s w e e t p e a

new home.

2012-01-18T03:30:00.001+01:00

click here.

see you later alligator.

2012-01-04T07:51:00.001+01:00

i moved.

(it's a secret)

stacks.

2011-12-29T02:42:00.002+01:00

ass.

2011-12-29T01:36:00.001+01:00

new crush? Big Sean has the sexiest smile ever? hubba.

watch please.

2011-12-27T22:01:00.001+01:00

the red berries.

2011-12-26T22:33:00.001+01:00

lunch.

2011-12-26T22:31:00.003+01:00

i just had the best lunch.

the food was mediocre at best.

the beer was not what i wanted.

the service was not great.

sometimes it all falls on the conversation

and the person you are with.

so much realization i finally

got some sense knocked into me.

always make time for the people

you want to see. need to see.

thank you, my dear.

quoted.

2011-12-24T07:37:00.001+01:00

when it comes to me - you can have everything.

we are all mad.

2011-12-24T07:24:00.000+01:00

UM!!!!

2011-12-16T19:39:00.001+01:00

!!!!!!!

LET
ME
GO

already emailed.

friends.

2011-12-15T07:01:00.000+01:00

the funny thing about them is that you aren't one of mine.

haven't.

2011-12-13T02:44:00.000+01:00

just ask.

2011-12-09T02:02:00.003+01:00

if you're curious, then why don't you just ask?
:)

hurry up!

2011-12-07T23:54:00.002+01:00

what i can't wait to do once finals are over and done:

cabin time. skidooing anyone?
fireplaces
spiced rum and egg nog
tobogganing!
watching so many christmas movies
~~wrapping presents~~ ...finishing christmas shopping
wrapping presents
sleeping in!
making more monies
winter walks
making crafts
baileys in my coffee
winter roadtrips?

1limit.

2011-12-07T01:53:00.001+01:00

these faucets are incredible!

surf.

2011-12-06T19:45:00.002+01:00

"you look like you surf"
"i don't"
"well, you should"

--a stranger tells me i should surf--

always.

2011-12-06T08:57:00.003+01:00

nearing the end of finals. the end of a semester. the end of my degree. i can feel inspiration starting to boil. i feel the urge to paint. or write. learn to play guitar. just create. all brewed up from stressors, lack of sleep (honestly), blogs, weather, heartache and heartbreak, anticipation, the need to feel. i cannot wait until my time is in fact mine again.

i am.

2011-12-06T07:22:00.002+01:00

i am the devil, boy. come with me and we'll break many laws.

obvious.

2011-12-06T06:37:00.001+01:00

æ tinker æ trenger å velge bedre venner.

the wind cries mary.

2011-12-06T05:33:00.001+01:00

so good.

volcano.

2011-12-05T23:10:00.004+01:00

somebody.

2011-12-05T06:46:00.000+01:00

seeker.

2011-12-05T05:45:00.000+01:00

personality test:

You're a Seeker. You're efficient and reliable with tons of energy for getting things done! Keeping all those plates spinning is one of your specialties. A sensitive soul with an expressive nature, you tend to be quite a romantic at heart. Sometimes you love nothing more than escaping into your very own dreamworld. Spontaneous new experiences can be really inspiring to you and you like exploring your creative side from time to time. Right now, you may feel like life's a bit boring. You're stuck in the same old routine and could probably do with bit of a change. When it comes to improving things in your life, why would you say no to extra cash? It would be great to treat the family whenever you feel like it. The trick is to be disciplined about budgeting. If you stay on top of your finances, you'll feel a lot more secure and probably save a bit too. It's important to remember to tap into your inner strength and to believe in yourself. Take on new challenges and stay stimulated so you remain enthusiastic and inspired by life. As a Seeker, you get excited by new ideas. You like adventure and original experiences that stimulate and challenge your status quo. Stay inspired with a rich mix of activities, and find time for hobbies that allow you to explore your creative side. Learn to recognize when you need variety in your life, and then incorporate it into your daily plans. You have a strong self-awareness and value quiet time away from the hectic pace of life. Even if you have a busy schedule, make sure you have the confidence to carve out that space for yourself . It'll definitely pay off in the long run.

two years ago.

2011-12-04T07:27:00.005+01:00

i wrote this over two years ago. recurrent. so interesting how life makes sense of things, you know?

little white lies.
i don't know how to do this, how to come about it. around it. maybe i wasn't born with a knack for this kind of thing. love. feeling. emotion. are they all the same? i don't really know what it means and i wonder if anyone genuinely does. though, we all strive for it, crave it, we all need it even when we say we don't. we lie. everyone wants a piece. half of us say we are happy, or demand time away. i confess. lying. does it deprive from emotion? is it learned or innate? little white lies. we constantly lie to ourselves to feel better. the evolution of lying? funny, inside we all know it's a lie, so what's the use? guilt is the worst anyway. the swallowing-hard, strong heart beat, clammy feeling. like all those silent moments where i wanted to say a million things but held back. always holding back. like all those times we misunderstood each other. all those times i pretended not to be in it, not to be hurt, not to care, not to have feelings, not to be in the moment. all lies. my heart knew. like that time i wanted you to just say it, just say what i wanted all along, what i was longing to hear. spit it out. i just wanted to hear it. my heart knew. with those words, i'd be grounded. for once. i'm a runner. i run from everything. i always have plans, always make plans. my mind is backed up, full of delinquent adventures and paths that, half, will never be indulged. i never know anything, i only make it seem so. life-planning. i'm hesitant. indecisive but always too proud to admit it. like all those times i said i was fine, but really my mind was clouded with thought, too black and hazy to make anything clear. thoughts bounded in knots, in a tangle i'd have to cut to get out of. i'm too proud for love. like that time i wanted to say...oh nevermind.

edna.

2011-12-04T06:06:00.001+01:00

VIII

Oh, oh, you will be sorry for that word!

Give back my book and take my kiss instead.

Was it my enemy or my friend I heard,

"What a big book for such a little head!"

Come, I will show you now my newest hat,

And you may watch me purse my mouth and prink!

Oh, I shall love you still, and all of that.

I never again shall tell you what I think.
I shall be sweet and crafty, soft and sly;

You will not catch me reading any more:

I shall be called a wife to pattern by;

And some day when you knock and push the door,
Some sane day, not too bright and not too stormy,

I shall be gone, and you may whistle for me.
- Edna St. Vincent Millay
one of my favourite poets.

so useless.

2011-12-02T19:11:00.004+01:00

11:34- "you on campus?"
11:36- "ya"
11:36- "can you buy me a coffee? i lost my wallet. also, you owe me"
11:36- "any chance you want to buy me a coffee? in my morning haste i left my wallet at home"
11:36- "no. fucking. way."
11:36- "hahahahahahaha. wow. brutal. look at us. useless"
11:37- "both real fucking winners hey?"

------ Myles and I discuss buying coffee ------

should know this by now.

2011-12-02T19:06:00.003+01:00

i feel there are so many people that are significantly important in my life. but that i am of importance to very few. such an imbalance. perhaps my heart is too big. stretched to the limits. i should know this by now. although, i'd rather give everything i've got and the some, than limit anything. much more satisfying i think.

angus and julia stone.

2011-12-02T18:51:00.001+01:00

this song makes me so sleepy. so beautiful.

too good.

2011-12-02T08:21:00.003+01:00

this might be the funniest thing i have ever seen. laughing so hard i cried!
expectation. reality.

r.l.

2011-12-02T02:54:00.002+01:00

everything ralph lauren denim & supply.

e.e.

2011-12-01T18:55:00.001+01:00

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

~e. e. cummings

guh.

2011-11-29T23:45:00.000+01:00

there is not one thing i feel good about in my life right now.

perfect.

hopelessly in love.

2011-11-29T17:31:00.002+01:00

it's official. i am completely and hopelessly in love with Bon Iver...

sigh.

see you.

2011-11-29T01:22:00.002+01:00

paper due tomorrow
presentation tomorrow
paper due friday
paper due next wednesday
paper due next friday
final on the 12th
final on the 15th.
see you at christmas?

my life as of late.

2011-11-28T07:09:00.002+01:00

intaglio, 11 pm homemade jam, exposures, ink, breaky, forts, festival of trees. in no particular order.

chakras.

2011-11-27T17:55:00.004+01:00

i think all my chakras are weak right now. i should focus on fixing this.

here.

2011-11-26T23:42:00.003+01:00

thanks mom!

2011-11-25T07:58:00.003+01:00

banish.

2011-11-25T02:12:00.003+01:00

i don't know what hurts more.
the situation,
the fact i wasted so much time on you,
or the fact that you couldn't care less.

regardless, i think you just banished yourself from my mind.
good.

over and out.

2011-11-24T07:22:00.001+01:00

...........oh, this?
yeah, no. we're done here.

really.

2011-11-23T18:51:00.000+01:00

but i'm 24?

shouldacoulda.

2011-11-22T04:12:00.005+01:00

if you can't make bed forts with me, then you don't belong in my bed.
if you can't be my shoulder when I need it most, then we've got nothing ahead.
if you can't tell me everything will be alright, then i was misled.

if you can't give me all you've got, then you've got no place in my head.
if you hide all you have ever had to say, then it's better left unsaid.
i am being led to believe it should have been someone else instead.

forever ago.

2011-11-22T04:05:00.002+01:00

go find another lover. to bring a... to string along.

positive.

2011-11-21T08:37:00.001+01:00

tomorrow is a new week.
a less doctor-filled one would be nice.
:)

lips.

2011-11-21T06:11:00.006+01:00

i have a huge thing for lips. it's definitely the first thing i look at when i meet a boy. ....and huge babe male models, apparently.

scandinavian interior.

2011-11-21T03:11:00.002+01:00

så fin.
via fantastic frank

never.

2011-11-21T03:10:00.000+01:00

you'll never fucking get it. and that makes my throat swell.

the examined life.

2011-11-21T02:06:00.001+01:00

on netflix, watch it.

UM.

2011-11-18T05:32:00.001+01:00

one

two

three

four

fucked.

2011-11-18T00:09:00.000+01:00

Pursuit of perfection is insanity, I guess that means I'm fucked.
-Joseph Gogler

things that make me happy.

2011-11-17T08:30:00.004+01:00

things that make me happy:

1. homemade apple cider
2. sun naps
3. movies & 100 blanket cuddles in bed with my best friend
4. meeting strangers at the bus stop
5. reading the last page of an amazing book
6. receiving packages and letters in the mail
7. cheese plates
8. creating art
9. watching Kua and Thor cuddle
10. falling asleep in front of a fire place
11. bed time phone calls

i'm seriously asking.

2011-11-17T08:23:00.003+01:00

if money was meaningless, home is wherever you are, a hobby was your job, and transportation was endless;
where would you be right now?

white & wood interior.

2011-11-17T07:01:00.003+01:00

midnight snack.

2011-11-17T06:54:00.001+01:00

steel cut oats, coconut, Australian pink salt, soy milk, brown sugs. so good.

metal etching/intaglio.

2011-11-16T18:13:00.005+01:00

sometimes when i can't sleep i make videos. enjoy!

hate.

2011-11-11T08:47:00.002+01:00

i hate that all i ever think about is you.

studio envy.

2011-11-10T21:02:00.002+01:00

dreaming of my own studio space..

restless nights.

2011-11-10T18:50:00.000+01:00

this is what 3 hours of sleep looks like.

sombrio.

2011-11-09T09:10:00.002+01:00

impractical practicalities.

2011-11-09T03:52:00.005+01:00

i embarrass myself on a daily basis, i talk when i am not supposed to, and i analyze everything and follow it with a question. my silence surprised me. maybe i was so quiet because this time i was too afraid to embarrass myself, say things out of context, and question the unquestionable. perhaps it was because i had so many things to say and i didn't know where to begin, or where it would stop. maybe i was afraid of your reaction, and afraid of my inevitable downfall. maybe my brain was spinning so much that i didn't know when to stop the carousel, maybe that's why my heart never stopped racing the whole time i was there. maybe this is why i am more confused now than i was before. so mad at myself for not spilling my heart and leaving the practicality that is so much a part of me, behind. life is far too short to judge your feelings based on practicalities, too short to not empty out everything inside to someone that means so much to you. i was once told that my blog leaves me vulnerable, so open and real. i am starting to believe that. i know you rarely, if ever, read this. that makes me feel a bit more safe.

skinny love.

2011-11-08T23:59:00.001+01:00

i tell my love to wreck it all.

cut out all the ropes and let me fall.

come on skinny love, just last the year.

where i'd rather be.

2011-11-08T19:06:00.001+01:00

words could never do it justice. i can't find any that seem to match, and i don't exactly know how to say it. i'll just say... i know where i'd rather be.

sleep.

2011-10-31T11:26:00.001+01:00

up since 2:30. can't sleep. restless, itchy, irritable. i hate this i want to kill someone for their sleep. i work in 4 hours.

for what it's got.

2011-10-28T05:16:00.005+02:00

Sure, Kua in Norwegian means 'the cow', but it means 'changes' in Japanese (i think).... and that is just what I have done. so much has changed since having him in my life. I went from everything I've ever wanted in life, to absolutely nothing, including not having him at the time. Once I got him back, everything changed for the better. Puzzle pieces started to come together, everything folding into place. I have done so much since, grew up tremendously, got over my overtly party stage, picked myself up when all was lost, moved up. I am proud, mostly of what he has brought to my life. And right now, I am glad to say, I couldn't be happier.

also, listen to this. I have Elliot Brood oozing through my mind right now.

Thursday morning.

2011-10-27T19:55:00.002+02:00

Thursday Morning Laundry.

too far.

2011-10-27T07:25:00.001+02:00

the day i realized it could never be you.

cozy little.

2011-10-24T07:56:00.001+02:00

my cozy little apartment. playing Feist's new album Metals all night.

to live.

2011-10-24T07:10:00.004+02:00

i want to live somewhere where my garden can grow, my creativity can flourish, my sleeps come easier. somewhere where my heart flutters at the thought of life, where my hair can grow, and my stress level lowers. where i can adventure any day of the year, get out, and leave for days. where i can be engulfed by trees, and escaped by shorelines. somewhere i can think, where the cold water wakes up my bones, where it doesn't feel like a clustered city. somewhere where i can breathe, and dream of nowhere else i'd rather be.

homemade salt.

2011-10-24T05:33:00.002+02:00

i need to move to the ocean? i would do this all the time! via notwithoutsalt!

sun nap.

2011-10-24T05:22:00.005+02:00

those are my favourite. so sleepy all the time. summer naps in the sun were so warm. naps on the beach in wool socks with my best friend. naps on my bed with the sun peering through the branches of the tree outside my window. rejuvenating. although, i'm kind of craving winter because i can hibernate. a thousand blankets, heat, apple cider, all the pillows in the apartment and endless movies. that's all i want. nothing is cozier.

wood.

2011-10-21T21:30:00.000+02:00

i want to renovate my own house so bad.

life as of late.

2011-10-19T08:32:00.001+02:00

house my parents want and need to buy, grapes for stomping to make wine, kind of obsessed with printmaking.

tonight.

2011-10-19T08:09:00.002+02:00

supper: special k, homemade granola, organic balkan yoghurt, golden raisins, and savoury cranberry sauce.

studies: renewable resources and energy. i've been learning about how awful humans are.

clothes: cupcake pajama pants and a big comfy sweater.

candle: black pepper and cardamom.

drink: calm - magnesium powder.

my bed sounds really good right now.

treehouses.

2011-10-18T08:30:00.003+02:00

i want all of these things combined.

the key to success.

2011-10-18T05:08:00.001+02:00

is always drugs.

garden walls.

2011-10-15T23:55:00.002+02:00

garden wall. i want one.

sex.

2011-10-13T09:17:00.001+02:00

lies.

2011-10-11T15:35:00.001+02:00

"we're just coworkers. come Saturday you go back to ignoring me."

feist.

2011-10-08T23:40:00.000+02:00

i used to listen to this song all the time. now again.

my kind of friday night.

2011-10-08T22:24:00.000+02:00

fuckmeups.

2011-10-08T08:29:00.001+02:00

what. the. hell.
fuckmeups.

thanksgiving.

2011-10-08T00:04:00.002+02:00

my thanksgiving will consist of a family, sort of. every one of the humans left. so that means i have kua, rib, and jaz in my apartment. so many paws.

black.

2011-10-06T23:07:00.000+02:00

MINE.

pulp lamps.

2011-10-06T18:47:00.002+02:00

by Enrique Romero de la Llana.

So beautiful and organic. i think i might make some of my own!

sapphire.

2011-10-06T17:57:00.001+02:00

i just bought this. black sapphire, 2 white diamonds on each side, on a 10K solid gold band. AH!

simon birch.

2011-10-06T17:46:00.003+02:00

two of my favourite things in art combined. giant, choppy brush strokes and nude models. so beautiful.

xo.

2011-10-06T07:59:00.001+02:00

from colour to white.

2011-10-04T20:42:00.002+02:00

i used to love coloured walls and cluttered everything. now it's solely all white, wood, and simplified.

bed.

2011-10-04T07:31:00.003+02:00

i've been spending so much time in bed lately. dreaming about bed forts. come make one with me?

these days.

2011-10-04T06:09:00.003+02:00

autumn.

2011-10-04T05:41:00.003+02:00

autumn might be my favourite season. but nobody knows that.
reasons:

pumpkin pie, duh.
scarves, wool socks.
piles of blankets on my bed.
apple cider!
um, pumpkin spice blizzard at dq (already had a mini tonight).
the smell of thanksgiving.
fall colours. i have the most beautiful full tree right outside my bedroom window. i could touch it if i wanted to.
biking through fallen orange, red and yellow leaves.
walks. autumn walks are so much better than summer walks.
i think i am most creative this time of year.
clothing. everything is cute. and layered. sweater time, minus coats. heavy scarves and lace-up boots with comfy socks.
the sound of the leaves rustling from the wind.
i don't know how and why i forgot about cranberry sauce until now. and stuffing! oh god. maybe i will make my own thanksgiving sup.
i think it's board game season.

fed up.

2011-10-01T21:49:00.002+02:00

i was scrolling through old blog posts. i was so happy, so spontaneous, and actually blogged about interesting events. now i am just an heart-wrenched idiot. that's about to change, i promise. i now miss Trondheim more than anything. can't i just go back?

oh, and i am over trying to read you. impossible. so fed up.

point.

2011-10-01T21:27:00.003+02:00

i don't understand your constant need to try to warn me.

it doesn't scare me.

all i can.

2011-09-28T07:35:00.004+02:00

i'm not patient enough to let my nail polish dry before i start touching things. patience is the one virtue i have yet to perfect. i tried to learn a few chords on my guitar today. do you know how hard it is? i have small hands. they can't reach that far sometimes. also, my guitar is ancient. maybe needs new strings.

my room is cozy but i need it to be more so. my room at my parents was a sanctuary. safe, warm, cuddly. like a cave, all mine. somewhere where i could lay in bed all day and not feel bad. somewhere where i could have a thousand papers all over my desk and 5 half-full water glasses decorating my shelves and it would still look absolutely lovely. i need something else in my room. what's missing? lava lamp? i could watch those things until i fell asleep. my ex bought me such a nice one once. and i never wanted one again, because i hated everything that reminded me of him. now, he's in the past. and i'm in the present, looking towards the future. i could easily get one and not have one little heart-clench in the process. maybe i should make a fort one day. or different lighting. something is always a little bit off, and i can't seem to put my finger on it. perhaps saskatoon doesn't quite feel like home to me any longer. who knows.

who you are.

2011-09-27T06:11:00.001+02:00

you will be the absolute death of me.

sharon.

2011-09-24T06:23:00.002+02:00

not only is she the most beautiful to ever grace the earth, but she had such amazing make-up.

70's porn.

2011-09-24T06:18:00.001+02:00

i love these.

i had a battle with a batting cage.

2011-09-21T07:56:00.001+02:00

food.

2011-09-21T00:38:00.000+02:00

all of these.

the moon and the stars.

2011-09-20T04:18:00.001+02:00

The moon and the stars know best:

You'll be happiest away from prying eyes today, Virgo. You're not in the mood to be friendly or participate in idle gossip. It seems you've been having the same conversations with the same people for some time now. You're feeling so bored you could scream. To avoid doing just that, spend quiet time alone today if you can.